Shawn Spencer the Christmas angst
by TheFanFicAddict
Summary: A collection of one-shots featuring angst, hurt and comfort for our favourite fake psychic. Shawn-centric. It is finished for now but if anyone likes any of the one-shots message me and i may write a longer one-shot, or a short story.
1. Chapter 1

The first of a few xmas angst one-shots (unless reviewers say otherwise). My other story is not being updated till i get more reviews so may take a while. Either way i hope you enjoy the one-shot (even if it's not very good). Oh and happy almost Christmas!

Shawn hated Christmas. Christmas was the time of year people stuffed themselves silly, while celebrating with an obese old man as their idol. The thought made him sick. How could people so uncaringly eat so much? How could they stuff that last Yorkshire pudding into their mouths?

For him Christmas time was very rarely celebrated; when younger his parents where often busy and by the time he was old enough to celebrate by himself he felt no need. It was not like he would find any enjoyment what so ever, in stuffing his mouth full of thousands of calories that would quickly add to his bulging frame.

Last week Carlton had even told him that he had put on enough weight to make this years Santa Claus, that had hurt, especially when Gus joined in commenting on his one pineapple smoothie to many. However it also opened his eyes, when he got home he stripped down and truly looked at himself – he was disgusted and repulsed by what he saw. It was true he had put on weight and he had not even noticed. With his odd work hours he often found himself eating out at various places and this had obviously had an effect.

With a new sense of determination Shawn made his way to the bathroom. Yes he would start his diet this very moment. Of course he would not often give in to the bathroom – to give in would mean he had already stuffed an obscenely large portion of fat, greasy food into his mouth.

Yes there was no way he was going to be able to pass as that picture of obesity known as Santa Claus – no he was Shawn Spence and as fat as he was now; well that was going to change quickly.

It wouldn't be hard, he had done it before but this was the first time he had slipped so far. He blamed himself for letting go, just because no one had commented earlier didn't meant they hadn't notice. Maybe last week those odd looks he had been getting from Carlton weren't due to his silly antics but due to the obvious increase in his body mass, Lassie must have been disgusted!

It was Christmas time and so rather then a New years resolution to improve his diet, it would be his gift to himself, he would not look himself in the mirror with disgust for much longer; he would lose the obvious pounds coating his body.


	2. Chapter 2

Christmas time was not a happy time; it hadn't been for a long time. At Christmas people act like everything is perfect they ignore the increase of drunks, the children lost in the overcrowded shopping centres and they ignore the perverted old men who put on a red suit and are suddenly seen as idols.

For Shawn his Christmas was ruined by one such man. He couldn't tell anyone though; who would believe him? – Who would want to? The truth was Shawn was not some great all seeing psychic, he was just a man, broken and fragile against the harsh, cruelties that were thrown at him.

It was with this outlook on Christmas that Shawn walked into the police department. Shawn had once again solved a case using his 'special' abilities but even the sense of achievement and the look on Carlton's face when he solved the case didn't cheer him up. Walking passed the brightly lit Christmas tree, the plate of mince pies and up to Jules who was wearing a Santa hat Shawn felt a wave of disgust roll through him.

Feeling a strong presence behind him Shawn turned around slowly and saw red, a man in a Santa suit but to Shawn's mind it wasn't just any Santa it was him, the memory flashed through his head seeming to last a lifetime not mere second and ripped away at his sanity.

* * *

Flashback

A young Shawn stumbled through the shopping centre, Henry had gotten quickly annoyed at his constant questioning during the Christmas shopping and so had sent him on a mission to walk through the shops and remember how many Santa's and Christmas tree's there where. He had counted 12 Santa's and 18 trees's before he ran into him. He seemed normally enough – jolly, slightly round and encased in red and white. When the man in red offered him some candy all lessons of safety flew out of his mind – it was Christmas and this was a Santa – how could he hurt him? Other boys and girls were being treated to candy so why shouldn't he? With this in mind he followed the man in red, at least it would make his dad happy he thought, this way he would be out of Henry's hair and he would even get candy! When the man in red asked Shawn if he had been naughty or nice he quickly replied with "nice".

"Are you sure?" the Santa said looking down at him with mock uncertainty.

"Of course" he replied, maybe his Dad didn't think so but Shawn was sure he wasn't naughty!

"Well maybe you can prove it to me? After all you're not really a worthless naughty little boy are you?" These words held some comparison to things Henry always said to him. Henry made him prove himself with memory games maybe it was the same thing.

Less than an hour later and Shawn knew it wasn't the same thing - his throat ached, his eyes were filled with tears and his body was so tired.

Stumbling away from the man in red clutching a candy cane to his chest, he bumped into his dad.

"Watch it Shawn! Know can you tell me how many people had bags from the toy shop?" Henry looked down at Shawn completely oblivious to his son's distress.

"Sorry….. Hey you said to count Christmas tree's not shopping bags" The thought of grabbing his Dad and crying flashed through his head but his Dad was a cop surely if what had happened was wrong he would already know. Maybe what had happened was punishment…. Maybe it made him naughty not nice.

End flashback

* * *

"Oh Shawn didn't see you there" It was Carlton, stood in a Santa suit (minus the beard).

"Sorry, I better get home" Shawn's words trembled slightly but no one seemed to notice.

Shawn quickly ran out shouting something about pineapples and ignoring everyone. He had to get home. He hated Christmas.

* * *

Im still waiting for more reviews till i update. Unless i get 3 reviews for my other story i wont update. Oh and im not updating this unless i get a review. The writing on this chapter was slightly rushed partially because i was off ill so didn't go on the computer much this week.


	3. Chapter 3

Really short because I literally wrote it in 10minutes so probably full of mistakes but… I hope you enjoy it! Oh and thank you for all the reviews!

* * *

Red and Green – the Christmas colours. At least he had one of them down thought Shawn, as he looked at the precious red liquid coating his arm. Here he was, just like Santa clause all pale white and contrasting bright red.

It was Christmas day and he was all alone – again but it was okay because he was coated in red and red meant Santa and Santa meant happiness and love.

Shawn looked at the abysmally small pile of presents that lay under a pathetic tree in the corner of his apartment. He thought this year would be different but it seemed with Gus away no one wanted to spend time with him. It was Christmas day and even his father was meeting up with old friends forgetting all about Shawn.

The other day he had even been repeatedly rejected by people he considered friends at the police department. The truth was he was only a tool, the second he stopped being useful he would once again e kicked to the corner; a forgotten toy left broken till someone else decided to play but just ultimately broke the toy more.

If Christmas is a time to celebrate with loved ones then why was he all alone? Maybe he was simply not loved; this thought wasn't a foreign one to Shawn's mind. The people he would count as his closest friends had plenty of problems with him. These problems seemed to only bring annoyance to everyone. Even Gus had complained when Shawn called him mere hours ago telling him it was Christmas and he wasn't up for another one of Shawn's schemes. Maybe that was why Gus accepted a work trip to England so near to Christmas.

He had bought himself presents and he felt his heart pound lightly and a slight tremor ran through his body upon opening one neatly wrapped present. A set of blades but oh what beautiful knifes they were. Some were large and sharp but others were smaller more subtle and easier to carry around. Yes thought Shawn maybe this year wasn't so bad. He had himself and the knives to keep him company – he would be fine, he always was.


	4. Chapter 4

Shawn sat in his bedroom half listening to the sounds of Christmas music blaring loudly through from the radio. It was then that Rudolph the red nosed reindeer came onto the radio.

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer  
Had a very shiny nose,  
And if you ever saw it,  
You would even say it glows.  
All of the other reindeer  
Used to laugh and call him names;  
They never let poor Rudolph  
Join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,  
Santa came to say,  
Rudolph with your nose so bright,  
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

Then how the reindeer loved him  
As they shouted out with glee,  
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,  
You'll go down in history."

As strange a thought as it may be, Shawn couldn't help but relate to Rudolph. Shawn's quirks often led him to be overlooked and dismissed but the second he became useful he was part of the fold. The only difference was he wouldn't go down in history. Soon he would either be revealed as a fake or simply be unneeded, he would then fade into obscurity, forgotten and alone.

Like Rudolph he to had often stuck out but never for good reasons. He stuck out when he was unable to hang out with the rest of his classmates due to his father's rules, he stuck out when said father arrested him, he stuck out when he memorised entire books within minutes and he stuck out when he tried to act happy but really felt like breaking down and crying.

For a long time his memory had bothered him, it used to be a constant source he was unable to turn off and he used to find his head filled with images of every second of the day. Now though he pushed the memories to the back of his mind when ever possible, afterall he couldn't let anything affect his job.

Of course his Christmas Eve was unsolved cases. While he knew he was good at what he did there was always that uncertainty – what would happen when they didn't need him? If he was to lose his job with the police then his whole life would crumble. The cases were the glue that kept him close to Gus, his father and even Jules and Carlton. Without them he would have nothing.

Maybe though I can change that he thought. If Rudolph can go down in history then the least he could do would be to prove himself as worthy of the job.

What could he do to prove himself? Maybe he could make contacts; after all a long time ago he had known a couple of men high up in gang circles. Of course no memories of them were pleasant but… securing his job and keeping his life was worth anything. He would prove himself to Carlton and the whole police department because he was here to stay – he had to be.

* * *

I'm sorry if this chapter is short and contains mistakes but i hope you liked it anyway. I will update again before christmas and i may do a fluff one-shot as well! Oh and please review - you don't even have to say much!

Thank you to my 3 reviewers : Queen S of Randomness 016, ellaevans12 and gothraven89 i am glad you are all enjoying the story.

P.s gothraven89 i do sometimes feel guilty when i realise what im doing to poor Shawn but he is such a good character for angst!


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